Jubilee Time by Maria Harris

Author:Maria Harris [Harris, Maria]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-0-307-57358-2
Publisher: Random House Publishing Group
Published: 1995-01-15T00:00:00+00:00

THE MOTHER’S GRIEF

Daughters like us, “of a certain age” share a common tendency to relive at least some aspects of our mothers’ lives. Often, it is their unfinished grieving. Sometimes our mothers were unwittingly responsible for passing their sorrow down to us; at other times, identifying with them as the same-gender parent, we took it on unbidden. Although for both mothers and daughters this may have happened at a nonconscious level, the journey of Jubilee Time is an occasion to give it back.

I remember the moment in my own life when I recognized I was carrying such a weight. Because my mother was widowed when I was 8, I grew into adolescence and early adulthood profoundly aware of her grief over my father’s death. Unconsciously, I felt responsible for her sorrow; I am sure she was similarly unconscious of its effect on me. Although I was free to marry, I remained single. Then one day when I was well into my forties, a wise and compassionate therapist asked me, “Are you repeating your mother’s life?” Her question hit home with such force and released so many tears that I realized I was. If she was unmarried, I would be too.

The recognition healed me; internally, I let go of a thirty-five-year-old grief that was hers, not mine. And the marriage I treasure today could not be happier.

Since that incident, I’ve become aware of how many other Jubilee women either relive their mothers’ lives or internalize their mothers’ grief. Joanne, 57, told me her experience of repeating her mother’s life was almost identical to mine. And Gail, 53, told Martha Robbins:

My mother’s next-youngest sister, whom I was named after, died when she was 13 of diabetes. And I think that really put something on my mother’s life. Mother • talked about that all the time. You know, it’s like Abigail’s death was a real important something that just kept on coming down to me. And I discovered much later on that my brothers didn’t know about Abigail. I was the only one who heard about her.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.